Group Leading 101
At this point in history so much powerful work of the church happens in the small group setting whether it’s a bible study or some type of community group. I have often heard from leaders that they feel ready to lead because of where they are in their personal walks with the Lord, but that they feel ill equipped when it comes to basic group leading skills. Have you been there? While there is no right way to lead a small group or bible study, because they each have their own set of dynamics and needs, there are some simple strategies that can greatly help! Over the years of leading various groups in the church and therapy groups as a Therapist I have come up with 5 strategies that have helped me facilitate them in a way that leads to greater vulnerability with each other and the Lord.
While I could write a whole other list of things to prepare your heart and mind to lead, this article’s focus is just group leading 101 basics.
Strategy #1: Star Questions
Before I even arrive at bible study I have already put my first group leading strategy, the Star Questions, in place. As I am preparing my lesson I decide what questions I will ask during group time. If the bible study I am using already has a set of questions I write a star by 50-70% of the questions that I feel like get to the main theme and heart of that week’s lesson. Often it’s hard to get to all the questions, but knowing I want to hit the ones that draw out the point of the text the most. I select the ones I find most helpful beforehand so I am not scrambling during group time to decide which one to ask next. If there are no questions provided in the study I am doing then I write out at least 5 questions that I feel like would help the group get to the heart of the study.
Strategy #2: Highs Lows
No matter what type of small group you are leading in a church context, the need for people to feel connected and known is crucial to build safety with each other and the Lord. I know sometimes it can feel hard to know how to get a group to do that in a way that doesn’t feel awkward. One way that I have found extremely effective is called “Highs Lows''. This strategy is used in the first 15 minutes of group time where each person sitting in the group circle shares one high and one low form their week. They can be as surface or as deep as they want and need to limit the length of their sharing to about 3 minutes so everyone gets to share and it doesn’t take up too much precious study time. But doing it greatly changes how study time tends to go! I have been amazed over the years how this has built a great amount of depth and closeness in a group. People often begin to get honest and real, allowing others in to help them carry the everyday stuff as well as major suffering. Often during this time there is laughter, tears, and lots of “I can relate” comments. This depth of vulnerability leads to greater openness and honesty before the Lord as we transition to study the text.
Strategy #3: 2-3
The 2-3 strategy is one I rarely see group leaders do, but can greatly increase the sharing that happens in a group as well as keep a group from shutting down. Often in these groups we are not only leading but are also members or participants that are learning right alongside the group members about the topic or text. This is a hard tension because we often want to share and contribute to the group because we are group members, but we are juggling the leading role. This strategy helps me do both. I also ask a question and then wait for 2-3 members to answer it before I share my answer. That way I don’t ask and answer the question right away and leave the rest of the group sitting there in silence and not engaging. Often when group leaders don’t do this they end up answering the question and talking for a really long time with no one to get them back on track since they are the leaders. I have watched countless groups shutdown as the group leader gives their answer and not really stopping to ask the other group members their thoughts. I know this can happen because the leader is nervous etc, but it leads the members to not jump in because the leader has already answered the question. But with the 2-3 in place it immediately changes this dynamic.
Strategy #4: Loud and Quiet People
Every group has them. The people who never say a word and can sit through bible study or small group week after week and not talk. At all. Then there are those who talk every week, a lot, and can sometimes take up most of the group discussion time. Both are important group members and here is what I do to help bring balance to the group.
I love talkative people, I am sure it’s because I am one. But for the group leader I know this can be such a stressful dynamic. These people usually learn by verbally processing and find the group setting helpful to do that in. This person or people often has wonderful, helpful things to say, but it leaves the rest of the group silent and not participating, resulting in them checking out. It’s our job as the group leaders to help balance this out. When I have that one group member who is talking for a long time I usually find a way to interrupt when they are on their second comment and briefly summarize what they said. Then I say, “Did anyone else have this same thought as Susan? If so, why?”. Or if the member is really dominant I will kindly interrupt, summarize, and then directly ask someone if they had that same shared thought but I will ask someone who is across the room from the talkative person. This usually shifts the intensity and helps the other side of the room get in on the conversation and helps the loud person pause and listen. The talkative person isn’t necessarily trying to dominate the group- so this gentle redirection helps them get to hear others' thoughts, which they appreciate.
For every loud group member with wonderful insight, there are usually a few quiet group members that have great thoughts but will sit silent for the whole group. There are a range of reasons that this is. Could be more introverted, or internal processors, or just like to listen. Regardless of the reason, when I can I intentionally call on every group member every group time. I will just ask them directly, “So Becky what did you think of this question?”. I often find they have thoughts and share them right away. If they look like a deer in headlights I give them a minute and then say, “You don’t have to share if you don’t want.” The majority of the time they do. Or they will then say, “I don’t have any thoughts on this one but I do on the other question.” Either way using this Loud and Quiet People strategy helps engage the whole group by keeping it more balanced.
Strategy #5: Silence
Silence… wait for it. We often hate the quiet and want to rush through it because it can feel so awkward. People start to shift in their seats or stare at a hole in the ground. But if we wait it gives people a second to get their thoughts together and engage. So often people need a few minutes to think internally about the questions because there is a lot going on in these groups. We have the Bible open, we are trying to process a study book, and engage with people we may not know all that well. It is a lot for the brain to make sense of. This gives the participants time to collect their thoughts. When we are quick to fill the silence we can miss that, which in the end can actually lead to more group members disengaging.
Over these years, in various types of groups I have found these strategies helpful for me, but there is no one size fits all when it comes to group leading. As a group leader it would be important for you to try these strategies and see which ones really fit for your group. Since the focus of this article was about the basics of group leading we didn’t even touch on the important role that prayer and the Holy Spirit plays each and every time you meet. Prayer during prep time, group time, and for individual members is the “boat” that carries these groups to where the Lord wants them to go. We have to rest in that, not in strategies. Praying all along that He will use our feeble attempts and strategies to ultimately bring glory to Himself through us His church.